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T.J WORLDI HAVE ALWAYS SAID A WOMEN IS LIKE A TEA BAG , YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS TILL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER.
why children don't tell!!
This page is dedicated to child abuse survivors who are on a life-altering journey of Awakening. A journey that for some—like me—is one that will bring understanding of their true purpose in life, one that will bring inner peace, joy and contentment. A journey that for countless child abuse survivors will be one of healing and recovery.
The number one reason child sexual abuse victims don't tell is that they are afraid they won't be believed. Why Children Don't Tell
Children fear reprisals from the offender.
Offenders tell the child that no one will believe them; and that even if someone does believe, the child will be blamed for the abuse.
Offenders openly threaten the safety of the child and/or members of the child's family.
Offenders tell the child the perpetrator will get into trouble if anyone discloses the sexual abuse. This is particularly fearsome for the child when the perpetrator is a family member, because the child fears abandonment.
Offenders promise gifts and rewards and offer bribes for the child to keep the secret. With young children, this can be candy, toys, trips to McDonald's. With youth, it can be videos, DVDs, rides in a car, sports tickets, sports equipment, clothes, makeup, jewellery, money, anything that is valued by the youth.
Sexual Abuse Signs: Physical signs:
Though disturbing to read, the table just below is a must-read if you're in any doubt whatsoever about who offenders are. The statements were written by sexual offenders in treatment.
I've included another even more disturbing set of statements written by sexual offenders in treatment--you'll find the table by scrolling down this page a bit. The statements identify how sex offenders operate and how they get children to keep the secret.
Both tables are worth reading in order to understand the danger children can, and are in, from sexual predators.
The longer the secret continues, the more trapped in the abuse the child or youth sexual abuse victims become. Survival means learning to adapt to the abuse in a variety of ways: ¤ sexual abuse victims minimize the abuse by pretending that whatever is happening is not really bad--this can take the form of a tough sense of humour ¤ they rationalize the abuse by explaining it away--they blame the abuse on the offender's drinking, drug use, etc.; they develop a twisted sense of love, telling themselves the offender is showing them love ¤ they deny that the abuse ever took place FACT: When children's self reports of sexual abuse were compared to video tapes of the incident on film apprehended from the perpetrator, it was found that child sexual abuse victims have a tendency to deny or belittle the experience (Sjoberg & Lindbland, 2002, pp.312-3141). ¤ sexual abuse victims forget that the abuse ever took place, which is one of the most common and effective ways children deal with abuse ¤ they label themselves--sexual abuse victims believe they deserve the abuse and that it's their fault. Nothing can be further from the truth! ¤ they become controlling--sexual abuse victims try to control themselves and others; they become super-alert and eager to please Though these coping skills are self-destruction, they are highly effective: they help numb the pain and get the child or youth through
Some Statistics:
Adolescents with a history of sexual abuse are significantly more likely than their counterparts to engage in sexual behaviour that puts them at risk for HIV (Brown et al., 2000, pp. 1413-14153).
A study which inspected the strength of different risk factors for childhood sexual abuse among 179 pre-adolescent girls found that maternal sexual abuse history combined with maternal drug use placed daughters at the most elevated risk. Girls whose mothers were sexual abuse victims were 3.6 times more likely to be victimized (McClosky & Bailey, 2000, pp. 1019-10364).
The incidence of child sexual abuse was 1.8 times higher among children with disability compared to the incidence among children without disability. The most common disabilities noted included emotional disturbance, learning disability, physical health problems, and speech or language delay or impairment (Barnett et al., 1997, p. 495).
Child sexual abuse victims are ten times more likely to attempt suicide (Conference on Child Victimization & Child Offending, 20006).
Child sexual abuse victims are seven times more likely to become drug/alcohol dependent (Conference on Child Victimization & Child Offending, 20007).
For sexual abuse victims living with addictions, guilt and shame, http://endofabuse.blogspot.com can provide support, religious and spiritual guidance.
Similarities between male and female sexual abuse victims based on a study of 401 child sexual abuse cases:
Sexual Abuse Male Female
The definition of sexual abuse with children is when an older child, a youth or an adult uses a child or youth for his or her own sexual gratification. This includes incest. Incest with children is when the child is sexually violated by a parent, parent figure, older sibling, other relative, or other significant person in the child's family life.
FACT: Most alleged perpetrators of sexual abuse were either "other" relatives (44% of the cases) or non-relatives (29%). Notably, very few substantiated cases involved a stranger (2%) (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, pp.20-211).
FACT: Of sexual assaults on children/youth by their family members reported to Canadian police in 2000, 39% of the perpetrators were parents, 32% were siblings, 28% were members of the extended family, and 1% were spouses (Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics, 20022).
FACT: Alleged perpetrators were equally likely to be a biological father or stepfather (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.203).
FACT: In 7% of substantiated cases of child sexual abuse, the alleged perpetrators were baby-sitters (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.214).
Under the definition of sexual abuse there are two categories: non-contact and contact.
Author's Note: As a facilitator in the school system on the subject of child abuse and neglect, I give the students a heads up that I will be using proper terms during the sexual abuse segment; consider this your heads up.
Definition of Sexual Abuse: Non-Contact
forced to watch sexual acts
forced to listen to sexual talk, including comments, tapes, and obscene phone calls
sexually explicit material such as videos, DVDs, magazines, photographs, etc.; can be in-person, on the computer via e-mails, and otherwise through the Internet
forced to look at sexual parts of the body--includes buttocks, anus, genital area (vulva, vagina, penis, scrotum), breasts, and mouth
FACT: An adult exposing genitals to a child accounted for 12% of substantiated abuse cases (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.135).
sexually intrusive questions or comments; can be verbal, on the computer, or in notes
Definition of Sexual Abuse: Contact
being touched and fondled in sexual areas, including kissing
FACT: Touching and fondling of the genitals was the most common form of substantiated abuse cases--69% of the cases (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.136).
forcing a child or youth to touch another person's sexual areas
forced oral sex--oral sex is when the mouth comes in contact with the penis, the vagina or the anus; many children believe that oral sex is "talking dirty"
forced intercourse--can be vaginally, anally or orally; penetration must occur; penetration can be with body parts and/or objects (the most common body parts used are the fingers, tongue and penis)
FACT: Attempted and completed intercourse accounted for 35% of substantiated abuse cases (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.137).
To my Canadian visitors: The word "rape" is no longer a term used in Canadian law. The Canada Criminal Code now uses the term "Sexual Assault"--it has a broader meaning and encompasses all aspects of the definition of sexual abuse.
For additional legal information, check out definition of sexual abuse . when a child is a victim of sexual abuse by a member of their own family, their world has change forever. they may have loved there abuser and the abuser has turned the relationship into something sad and cruel. the victim of abuse is likely to fell very confused. how can they sort out there felling of affection that they have for their abuser or anyone ells with the sick and disgusting act that was done to them as a child.
in all cases of abuse, it certainly is about power and control. Some abusers don’t relate well to people of their own age group. They relate much better to children, and as a result, pick children to abuse. Abusers often project attributes or qualities onto the children they abuse. These attributes are false, and are just in the mind of the abuser. A perpetrator may create false beliefs about a child’s wishes, desires, and likes, or try to bring the child up to their peer level (imagining a sexual attraction or relationship with them). They may believe the child wants them to do the sexual acts. We often hear ridiculous statements from abusers such as, "he/she was a seductive child"; which is complete nonsense. It’s a complex and still unclear set of issues that drives childhood sexual abuse. However, it is up to adults to control their own behaviors. Why do so many people who were sexually abused wait so long to report it? Most people never report sexual abuse, so, in comparison, a late report is earlier than never. But usually, people wait to report because of the shame or guilty feelings sexual abuse causes, and there are people who believe it was their fault; that they caused the abuse for whatever reason. Also, amnesia or traumatic dissociation prevents people from reporting because they don’t remember until many years later.Post-Traumatic Stress Sometimes a person may appear to be suffering from depression, anxiety, or another mood disorder. They may do disturbing things like cutting, burning themselves, or other similar behaviors. S/he may exhibit unhealthy eating or sleeping. All or any of these may be symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Essentially, this means that the person has been exposed to one or more traumatic events, and has developed these symptoms in response. Traumatic events can be caused by natural disasters such as tornadoes, floods, or hurricanes; or they can be caused by accidents such as automobile crashes, machine malfunctions, or household incidents. Very often, trauma develops from being engaged in or witness to combat, or being witness to or involved in crimes such as rape, other sexual abuse, or other violent crimes. The fact that the person may not remember a specific incident doesn't mean it didn't happen. It's not unusual for people to experience a special form of amnesia which seems to protect the psyche from the pain or horror of the event. THERE IS NO SUCH CLINICAL CONCEPT CALLED FALSE MEMORY SYNDROME. It's important to keep this in mind since there is an organization that actively seeks to misrepresent this very common response to extreme trauma. This controversy has developed because through the last twenty years, clinicians and their clients have discovered that often post-traumatic stress has developed in response to childhood sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. At times this has involved adults retrieving these traumatic memories while in therapy. In RARE instances, it has been found that through sloppy therapy or because the clinician has a personal agenda, the memories have not been valid. More importantly, it is critical to realize that there is a society-wide need not to face the reality of child abuse. You see, we want to believe that we cherish our children, and that only monsters commit this kind of crime against our youth. Unfortunately, research shows that before the age of eighteen, as many as one in three girls is sexually abused, and as many as one in five boys is victimized this way. Millions of children are witness to, or are victims of domestic violence each year. If it's only monsters that do this, and it happens this often, than an awful lot of us must be monsters. Your brother, your father, your baby-sitter, your uncle, your stepdad, your sister, and even your mother may perpetrate these crimes. What we have to ask ourselves is does this criminal, violating behavior make them monsters. Until we can face this issue fully, people will continue to blame victims or deny their reality. This reaction to recovered memory actually continues to make it hard for people to allow themselves to face the source of their emotional distress, and often has us medicating symptoms of the problem instead of getting to its roots. If you believe you may be a victim of childhood trauma, you may want to explore issues of trauma and memory with a therapist before hiring him or her. It is critical that you have someone with an open mind working with you.
FRIENDSHIP
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Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!,love
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Dee is gone to her heavenly home,Jesus took her by the hand and he took her home to the promise land. he took all her sorries, all her fears, and he dryed all her tears. she is happy today and seening Jesus al a glow.
THOUGH I WELL ALWAYS MISS HER, SHE NOT DISTANT SHE STILL HAS HER SIGHTS ON ME AND YOU ,SHE JUST CROSSED INTO FOREVER, WHERE SHE HAS A BETTER VIEW.
Thank you my Sweet Friend for your Wonderful Friendship, i well miss you always R.I.P.
THere is not a sparrow that falls that our Lord doesn't know about it. How much more does he care for us?
The Friend That Just Stands By
When trouble comes your soul to try,
You love the friend who just stands by.
Perhaps there is nothing they can do,
The thing is strictly up to you.
For there are troubles all your own,
And paths the soul must tread alone.
Times when love can't smooth the road
Nor friends lift the heave load.
But just to feel you have a friend,
Who will stand by you til the end.
Whose sympathy through all endures,
Whose handclasp is always your.
It helps somehow to pull you through,
Although there is nothing they can do.
And so with freverent heart we cry,
God bless the friend that just stands by.
Angel Delight , T.J.
THESE WORDS ARE DEE OWN .FROM HERE DOWN
You know I don't know how you pray, and that is so very personal I am not giving you instuction (as though I could) but rater sharing with you how I pray to my Lord. Well, actually there are really differt ways for dirrerent time. Most of the time I just talk to the Lord juat as I would talk to any friend I loved. All through the day I need to tell him what is on mind or ask his guidence. I may be at home doing house work or riding down the road.
Then there are those times I am alone and I call that my sweet hour of prayer. That special time I just tell the Lord how much I love him, and thank him for some new blessing I have receivd.
The there are those times when my heart is troubled and I call that my time in the closet with the Lord (those that read his word understand) I fall on my face and picture myself at the feet of Jesus with my head on his knee. I just cry out Lord I have done all I can about this situation now I am getting mighty tired. Lord you know how long I can stad this situation. Sure enough He does know and somehow I fell that he would be stroking my hair and saying, child did I not tell you I would not put more on you than you can handle? Did I not tell you I would not leave nor forsake you, but in all thing to give thanks because I care for you. That is when I see the warm grin on his glorious face. You know I belive God made us to be in union with him on every thing that goes on in our life.
Then I will get up and wipe the tears from my eyes, and know he knows all about it. This is my comfort, my strength, my hope, my all. Oh, sweet hour of prayer!
May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight or Lord,
hello my friends, please take this little gift with you ! i know it's been a long time my friend between visites ,but i wanted to let you know i was thinking about you all , you all are my friends and i wish i had the time or away that i could get a gift to all my friends at ones on spaces, but it's not ,and it hard to get to everyone,and i wanted to let you all know you are all very special to me , and with the lost of my dear friend Dee, i wanted to let you know that i care for all my friends,and loseing any of my friends is just so heartbreaking god bless you all !!! Love T.J.
To give up or to deny my past is to deny myself the experiences and learning that the past has given me. 
To deny my past is to deny who I am, who I was, who I will be. The past allows us as human beings to grow and change. Without our acknowledgement of our past, is, in a sense, to not acknowledge ourselves.
People think that not giving up the past is a sign of weakness. I say that it is a sign of strength. To acknowledge my past is to accept everything about it, not run from it, the hope that we have felt, the joy that we have felt and even the pain that causes some people to give themselves up to the feelings of despair and desperation.
Without my past I have no experiences to learn from, therefore, logical reasoning dictates that I cannot be the person who I am truly meant to be.
My past defines, who I was, who I am now, and in time, will also define the person I will become."
I'm Always Here! I’m here my daughter
Just open your heart
Look through your tears
And through the dark
I see your heartbreak
I feel your pain
Look to me
Just call my name
I long for your hand
To guide you in the dark
Reach out my daughter
And open your heart
There is none to great
That can stand in my way
My daughter for you
I so graciously wait
Just lay at my feet
All these burdens you bare
For there’s none like I
Who will always be there?
I’m always here
Can you feel my touch?
I’m the beat in your heart
That loves you so much
I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.
I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.
I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones withloving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.
I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.
I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.
I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.
I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.
I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.
I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.
I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.
I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.
I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.
copyrights to: Kathy Kane Hansen
If you think you
are beaten, you are;
If you think you
dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win,
but think you'll
lose, you're lost.
For out in the world
we find success begins
with a person's faith;
It's all in the
state of mind.
Life's battle
don't always go
to the stronger
or faster hand;
They go to the one
who trusts in God
and always thinks
"I can."
You are strong...
when you take your grief and teach it to smile.
You are brave...
when you overcome fear and help others to do the same.
You are happy...
when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.
You are loving...
when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.
You are wise...
when you know the limits of your wisdom.
You are true...
when you admit there are times when you fool yourself.
You are alive...
when tomorrow's hope means more to you than todays mistake.
You are growing...
when you know what you are but not what you will become.
You are free...
when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others
You are honorable...
when you find your honor is to honor others.
You are generous...
when you can take as sweetly as you can give.
You are humble...
when you do not know how humble you are.
You are thoughtful...
when you see me just as i am and treat me just as you are.
You are merciful...
when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.
You are beautifull...
when you don't need a mirror to tell you.
You are rich...
when you never need more than what you have.
The Railway was a critical part of Newfoundland's history from 1882 until 1988. It enabled Newfoundlanders to travel far and wide. It brought freight of all kinds, but most of all it proved that Newfoundland had truly entered an age of prosperity. The railway was originally called the "people's road" and was meant to last forever.
Unfortunately, the high cost of maintaining the service and the slowness of the trains (22 hours from St. John's to Port aux Basques - 12 hours by car) ultimately forced the shutdown of the rail service in 1988. It was replaced by a modern and efficient Bus Service, but for those of us that grew up "riding the rails", there will always be a special place for the trains.
The Railway was a critical part of Newfoundland's history from 1882 until 1988. It enabled Newfoundlanders to travel far and wide. It brought freight of all kinds, but most of all it proved that Newfoundland had truly entered an age of prosperity. The railway was originally called the "people's road" and was meant to last forever.
Unfortunately, the high cost of maintaining the service and the slowness of the trains (22 hours from St. John's to Port aux Basques - 12 hours by car) ultimately forced the shutdown of the rail service in 1988. It was replaced by a modern and efficient Bus Service, but for those of us that grew up "riding the rails", there will always be a special place for the trains.
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